THANKS!!!

Who are the people we think about most often? Which incidents and experiences flash across our minds and eyes every so often? What are those things that make life worth living? I am not sure I know the answers to these questions, but I do know that my life has been beautifully painted with the love, warmth and friendship of a number of people, and, I feel that a few days before my first wedding anniversary is the perfect time to remember them, thank them and God for having brought them in my life.

MAA and PAPPA- Easily the best parents in the whole wide world. Apart from owing my life to them, I believe I owe my existence to them. The two words might seem synonymous, but my existence for me is the sum total of my experiences, values and beliefs. They are what differentiates me from others -what makes me, me. Maa and pappa havent just taught things- they have always led by example. The greatest comfort and assurance for a daughter is the fact that no matter what happens, she will always have her parents for her, and I am very proud to say I have that assurance. Cheers to the best parents ever!

GUDDI- Only sisters can appreciate and understand the bond they share. For quite some time, I regretted not having an elder brother. I was really sick and tired of being the elder one and showing understanding toward my younger sister. However, as we grew up, I realised how lucky I was to have a sister, and that too someone like her. We still have our share of fights and take turns at putting each other in a spot, but I do know that I really cannot have a better friend than her. For all her wisdom, patience, love and care, this is a great time to say thanks!

SHRIKANT- Well, he’s someone who really knows what it is to be there for someone, what it is to be a friend. Now a year into my marriage, I can safely say that this has been the most eventful year of my life. I have discovered more things about him which I love and have also discovered a few I HATE! However, I have also realised I love being married to him. For all the tomfoolery he does all day, he’s brought a quiet maturity to me. I have seen a new way of seeing things with him. We don’t always agree, in fact we mostly never agree, but DAMN! he’s right on most occasions and I hate to admit that. I have seen how forgiving and giving he is. He has always dug into the food I make with gusto and has braved my culinary experiments with a smile on his face and a pat on my back. He has always made me feel a part of his family and has eased me into his family with such dexterity that I now have not one, but two families. In this last year, I have only loved him more for what he is and hope it will always be this way. Thanks buddy!

DILOO- I don’t know if she’s an elder sister or best friend. She’s both, actually. My best friend and soul sister. The way we think, the number of times we have telepathy, the number of things that have happened to us together is just spooky! When I had first joined the organisation where we met (she was my boss), a lot of people told me that they found us to be similar in a lot of ways. We had the same sun sign, we were both left-handed, Gujaratis, who had graduated from the same institute and department! We, of course did not find anything common between us for a long time, till we became friends. I thought she was cold and “khadoos” and she thought I talked too much . Since becoming friends, we have been almost inseparable. The amount of trouble and planning we have undertaken to be with each other at the slightest opportunity is phenomenal. I don’t think I would go through that much for anyone else. She’s weird in her own way, but I love her to bits! In the 4 years that we have been friends, we never really had a serious fight until sometime last year and though it makes me laugh to think about it now, it brought us even closer, if that was possible. Not a day goes by without me thinking of her. She’s the best thing to have happened to my life in a long long time! So, thanks baby, for being my best friend and soul sister!

SHARAD BHAI- Outside of my family, if there is a person who means the most to me, it is undoubtedly Sharad bhai. His love for me and Guddi is evident in the fact that he always, happily, did EVERYTHING we asked him to without a frown on his face, even when we both were irritating little kids! Whether it was taking us out to eat ice-cream, or simply taking us out for a ride on his bike, or getting chocolates for us, or taking us for garba during Navratri-you just had to tell him and he would do it with a smile on his face. Although he moved to the US many years back, and I miss not having him around like before, he makes up for it in a number of ways.  When I had scored reasonably well in my 12th Board exams, Sharadbhai had not only called, but had also sent a huge packet of sweets with one of his friends who was coming down to India. It’s not so much about the sweets (though I love them), but about the fact that he genuinely cares. He never, ever forgets to call on birthdays! I can go on and on about him and still not be content. For now, it’ll suffice to say that he’s one of the most important people in my life and I cant thank him enough for all the love and affection he showers on us! Thanks Sharad bhai!

RADHIKA AND RAHUL DADA- Two of my closest friends! The three of us used to be part of the children’s gang of Kutir, who used to play together in the evenings everyday. Radhika always exuded calm and maturity and I loved her for that. The only good thing about changing schools in the XIth grade was that I met Radhika again! I hated the school, but loved the fact that we got to spend time with each other after a long long time. We have had some good times together. I remember going to her college in Anand and coming back in the crowded train. I remember the two years that I celebrated Rakhi with Radhika and Rahul Dada- I miss that now! Rahul Dada always remembers special days and never forgets to call. They are two of the nicest human beings I have known, and though Radhika and I do not communicate as much as I would like (given that she’s in the US and remains quite busy) she is one person for whom I am willing to do absolutely anything. Thanks Radhika and Rahul Dada for being so special!

PALLAVI, DADA, LISHA AND PRASHANT JI-  My guardians in Ahmedabad! I was the youngest staff member, and was pampered and spoiled by these wonderful people. Though I hated my work, the only reason I spent 9 months there was these people. And when we left, we left together- and HOW! I badly miss the lunch sessions we had together. I even managed to lose a few pounds owing to Dada’s brilliant idea of having only salad for lunch. The fact that he also ate only salad was the reason I could stick to it for some time at least. I remember the times we had planned dinners at my place when my masi was out of town. The Navratri when all of us had done garba together, the times we had been buried in work till the wee hours of morning, the time we had all gone to watch the stupid film “Maine Pyar Kyun Kiya” and the picnic to Taranga Hills are still crystal clear in my memory. I had some great times with these people and they all mean a lot to me! So team members-Thank you!

SAPAN- Easily the most focused person I know, and of course my oldest friend (we have been friends since kindergarten). Old photographs of us at each other’s birthdays still evoke fond memories and some laughs as well. Sapan was my only friend in class till Nakul came along. My disorganization and mismanagement (ya, I was famous for that even in those days) ensured that I rarely had my own stationery to use and whenever short of something, Sapan always came to the rescue. I suppose I was not a much adored character in school, but irrespective of what anyone said about me, Sapan always remained my friend. Be it helping me with Mathematics, or rooting for me in various competitions, he has always stood by me like a true friend and continues to do so. Sapan’s parents and extended family have always treated me like a member of their own family. I have had some of the most amazing times with Sapan and his family and for being such a great friend, I thank him with all my heart.

NAKUL- He’s easily one of the most intelligent people I know. Very well read, well spoken and articulate. And he’s also one of my closest friends. Nakul and I used to hate each other till the IIIrd Standard. In Standard IV, he got transferred to my class and we eventually discovered that the other wasn’t so bad. Thus began a friendship that has lasted all these years. Nakul is not only brilliant, he is also a wonderful human being. He has a disarming honesty about him which is rare to find. Like Sapan, Nakul has been a true friend and someone I can depend on.  Thanks Nakul, for being a great friend!

ROHAN- I cant exactly remember how and when we became friends, but Rohan is a great guy and someone who genuinely cares about his friends. You can call him any time of the day or night and expect a patient hearing from him. He has done very well for himself in life and for all that he has achieved I am both, happy and proud. Thanks Rohan for being the genuinely caring friend you are!

SWATI- She’s the craziest friend I have and also the most adorable. I have absolutely loved my time at HDFS because of her. I don’t know how we hit it off, but it was instant and thankfully has lasted more than a year now. She has a whacky sense of humour and I can’t remember laughing like a maniac with any of my friends other than her. (with the exception of Shrikant). She is supremely caring about people who matter to her and can go to any lengths to ensure their safety. She’s also a bit of a hypochondriac like me, but who the hell cares! I love her forthrightness and her sense of right and wrong. She is also one of the very few people who readily accept their mistakes and aren’t in the least bit ashamed to do so. I don’t know how I would have survived my stint at HDFS if Swati was not there. Like I said, I love her craziness and that is what makes her so endearing to me. Thanks Swati- you are one of a kind! Love you!

SHRUTI- Shruti is someone who will force you to spot a silver lining even in a jet black cloud! No matter how bad the day or the situation, she has the ability to say something nice and lift your spirits. She’s very intelligent, extremely witty, and has an amazing vocabulary. She’s someone with whom you can discuss almost any issue under the sun. Be it films, books or politics, Shruti knows her stuff. We have had some great times together in college with all those quiz competitions and public speaking contests. Shruti is someone who always remembers to get you something, no matter how small. She is someone who always grabs an opportunity to gift things to friends! A wonderful human being and friend, thanks Shruti for everything!

SUJATA- Sujata and I were introduced to each other by a mutual friend, and ended up being great friends. She is one of the most patient people I know. I have hardly seen her lose her temper or say something bad about anybody. In fact I feel she’s patient to a fault. I remember how happy I was to see her at my wedding-considering she was tired of having traveled a lot prior to the wedding, I had not expected her to make it. But, she did, if only for a day. We have had a lot of fun going for those so-called morning walks and eating Dahi-puri on the rasta . Sujju- Thanks for being my friend!

SARAT BHAIYA- One of the coolest people I know. Stays calm and unruffled, no matter what. Whenever I have gone to meet him, I have always been gifted something-be it a box of sweets, a funky kurta or a beautiful mug. He was actually my first friend at work, and I almost bitched to him about Diloo (that was before Diloo and I became friends). He is honest, dedicated and a gem of a person. Thanks Sarat Bhaiya!

VICKY BHAI- Technically speaking, he is Shrikant’s cousin, but has been kind enough to adopt me as his younger sister. Given his training and professional background, (he is in the Indian Navy), he comes across as surprisingly unassuming, down-to-earth and calm. He was the only one in Shrikant’s family who knew about the two of us before anyone else. I know how happy Shrikant is in his company and how much he trusts him. Needless to say, I too feel the same way. It is honestly difficult to find someone as genuine as him. Shrikant and I always knew that whether anyone else supported us or not, Vivek would always do. Shrikant, Vicky bhai and I were always a team, and I used to eagerly wait for Vicky Bhai’s letters to me, which he would slip in with his letter to Shrikant. He’s a great guy and it has been a pleasure to see him be a part of our lives from the time Shrikant and I met, to our wedding, to now, and hopefully, always! Thanks Vicky Bhai!

ECHI-  Shrikant’s sister and my sister-in-law. Wait- there’s another way to describe her too. She’s the Buddha of our family, or, the only human being I know who comes close to being a Buddha! Devoid of any feelings of malice, envy, anger, ego or greed, it is actually difficult to believe that a person like her exists in this day and age. She’s also the coolest sister-in-law I have ever seen. She’s a fan of peppy music, loves to dance, doesn’t care how you look or dress, and will never have a negative thing to say about you. Can you imagine what a relief it is to have someone who will laugh at even the stupidest of jokes, someone who is broad-minded enough to discuss anything under the sun and someone who is completely accepting of you? Shrikant and I both adore her and honestly, we can only aspire to be like her. Thanks Echi, for being the Buddha!

AMMA AND ACHAN- Any newly married woman will have some amount of anxiety as to how she will get along with her parents- in- law. Thanks to amma and achan, any such anxiety that I may have had was quickly put to rest. They have always been accepting, yet non-interfering. I have never felt the pressure of being a typical daughter-in-law in their home. In that sense, they have never discriminated between me and Echi, which is why I respect them so much. Going to Kerala is something Shrikant and I always look forward to, even though every trip means losing money to Achan in the game of rummy!

KANDI VELIAMMA AND FAMILY- My most enjoyable times in Kerala have been spent with Kandi veliamma and her family. They are a truly boisterous lot and in that sense are closer to my personality. I love trying to communicate with Ushechi in my halting Malayalam and her halting Hindi. I love the fact that Mimmi, Unnu and Kukku are such adorable cousins. I just feel like an integral part of their family. They are an amazing bunch of people and they add a lot of zing to Shrikant’s side of the family. Thanks to all of you- I couldn’t have asked for anything more!

JAGAT MAMA, MENABEN, CHARUBEN, JI MAMI- My most favourite family members. Right from my childhood, I have seen how they have stood by each other in times of need. It is from them that I have realized what it means to be a family. I also know that they constitute a huge and important part of my mother’s life and have brought a lot of fun and happiness to her life. The times I have spent with them in Ahmedabad over the last few years have been truly memorable and I love them all!!

ATUL BHAI AND BHARGAV BHAI- My cousins with whom I bonded at the time of my wedding. Atul Bhai came in early and helped manage most of the things. He was there when anyone required anything! He came for the wedding all the way from Kolkata, with his son’s board exams less than a month away. He holds a very special place in my heart. I was 12 years old when I had attended Bhargav Bhai’s wedding and it was great that he could attend mine! My brothers made my wedding a success and for that I’ll always remain grateful! Thank you, Atul bhai and Bhargav Bhai.

As I wind up this post, I realize I must be God’s favourite child for Him to have embellished my life with such amazing people. Whenever I have felt low, beaten or sad,   thinking about these people has lifted my spirits and made me count my blessings. I can only hope that I will be able to bring a fraction of the love, light and warmth that you have given me to your lives too.

MYRA and COOCHIE!!

MYRA and COOCHIE!!

“Coochie! Where are you hiding!!” she squealed in a sing-song tune. Four-year-old Myra’s world revolved around her pet pup- Coochie. Weird name, one might think, but not so for Myra. The word “coochie” encompassed everything nice and lovable for Myra. She had picked up this word from her mother, who often referred to her as ‘cutie’, which, loosely translated in her childish lexicon became ‘coochie’. Her parents loved to see her struggle with the word in an attempt to pronounce it correctly and also experienced pride over her resilience and persistence to use it nonetheless. Coochie was Myra’s constant and only companion. Myra’s parents led the quintessential corporate life in Mumbai, and though they realized Myra needed someone closer to her age to play with, they could not spare the time and resources to have another child. When Myra took to Coochie like a fish takes to water, they were extremely happy and relieved.

Myra loved to play with Coochie in the small garden of their apartment in Mumbai. She and Coochie were escorted by her nanny, who, however, seemed more interested in gossiping about the other inmates of the apartment with the watchman and other “bais”. One day, when Coochie went to fetch the ball while playing with Myra, it was suddenly confronted by Mr. Mehra’s prodigious Doberman. When the Doberman let out a bark, Coochie ran out on the main street, shaking with fear and trepidation. Little did Coochie know that life on the streets in Mumbai was worse than confronting Mr. Mehra’s Doberman or any dog ten times your size for that matter! Myra became restless waiting for Coochie and started wailing. Her nanny immediately took her home and sent the watchman to hunt for Coochie. Myra’s parents were alarmed on seeing her cry. Her huge eyes were filled with tears and she was inconsolable. She had, after all, lost the only companion she had! Myra’s parents promised her that they would get Coochie back for her. In the mean time, to distract her, they advised her to have an honest conversation with God request Him to help her find Coochie. They told her that if she prayed with all her heart and soul, God would never disappoint her.

Coochie did not realize that the outside world would be so treacherous. It had to perform antics and daredevil stunts in order to survive. Dodge cars, hide from other sinister and seasoned street dogs, ignore the stench of garbage and escape children wanting to pelt it with stones! Coochie started missing Myra and her warmth and unconditional love. Utterly dejected and disappointed, it hid behind a small bush when two hands gently lifted him and muttered sweet nothings after what seemed to it like eternity. Mrs. Shah stayed in the same locality as Myra and often met her mother during morning walks, when she was accompanied by Coochie. She promptly called up Myra’s mother to inform her that Coochie was with her and was safe and sound. Myra’s mother heaved a sigh of relief and it was decided that Myra and her father would go and get Coochie back home.

Myra was ecstatic on seeing Coochie as it was on meeting Myra! She cuddled it forever. Her happiness knew no bounds on being re-united with her best friend! Her small and unadulterated heart blessed Mrs. Shah. As Myra was returning home perched on her father’s shoulders with Coochie in her small hands, she saw the huge effigy of Ravana being burnt and people singing praises of Lord Ram. When she asked her father about it, he explained to her that it was the festival of Dassehra being celebrated, which marked the triumph of ‘Good’ over ‘Evil’. Myra realized the significance of what her father told her and could visualize all things evil that Coochie must have faced before finally settling down in her cozy lap once again. She learnt the most important lesson of her life that day, which was to stay with her forever- “God listens!!! Prayers are powerful!! And no matter how cynical anyone might be, the good always triumphs”!! With this, she thanked God for having heard her and gave a loud, resounding kiss to Coochie!

A NEW WORLD

She sat near the window, gazing at the tree outside- though at a distance, it seemed the only close companion she was left with. She sipped on her tea, with Lata Mangeshkar crooning in the background. ‘It felt good to be home’, she thought, even though it was no longer the home she had always known. As she picked up the local newspaper, the headline rattled her, shook her. ‘No’, she thought, ‘this cant happen to me’. She felt a pain so sharp, she doubled over. ‘How did it ever come to this’? She asked herself.

“Beta, this is your last Diwali with us”, said her mother, choking with emotion. ‘Next year, at this time, you will be celebrating diwali with your husband”. ‘Not again’, she sighed. Ever since she had told her parents about Ashish, everything seemed to revolve around her impending marriage! Her irritation however, was superficial; in reality, she was over the moon! She had known Ashish for a long time before they were engaged. No marriage was perfect, but she was happy she almost knew what to expect from theirs-when would they agree, when would they disagree, what would make him smile and what would make her laugh. Then again, a known danger is always better than an unknown one! She knew they had their differences, but if they had come this far, certainly it was an indication of good things to come!

She still could not understand where she had gone wrong in her marriage. He knew she was independent, intelligent and conscientious. True, she was not perfect, but then who was? Things began to fall apart when she mentioned the school. “Why do you care so much about other people? It will be more than enough if you looked after our own home”, he had said. “They are poor because they deserve to be that way-why should you make my life miserable because of all this nonsense?”, he went on. “All these things sound good, but it’s very difficult to live with these choices; why cant you be like other people and just enjoy a well paying job”? – he asked. She knew she was not like other people. She WAS different. She knew she cared and she knew she could never “not care”. Confronted with a choice between Ashish and the school, she had chosen the latter.

Her parents’ ambivalence on the issue of her marriage confused her, more than anything else. Had not they always taught her to be independent? Were they not the ones who had instilled values of dignity, respect and care in her? Had she not learnt to question and fight for her rights at their behest? Why, then, were they so unhappy with her decision? Why did they expect her to sacrifice her dreams and convictions at the altar of marriage?

With time, probably, her parents would have come to understand and accept her decision, had they not met with a fatal accident, soon after her legal separation with Ashish. She had still not lost hope and gone ahead with establishing a primary school in the nearby village. She had taught the same principles to the children- be honest, fearless, fight for your rights, never discriminate nor tolerate discrimination and confront injustice head-on! Her small army of Dalit children had believed in her and taken the liberty of playing in the space reserved for upper caste children. On being asked to leave, they had resisted and continued to play. She had been immensely proud of them and had treated them each to the “local” Fanta (which is made by the vendor, but sold using the real brand name) before leaving for the weekend to be with herself at her parents’ home, her home. She had dared to hope of a different future for herself and her children when she read the headline. ‘Mehta Trust Primary School gutted in a Fire’- the newspaper screamed at her. As she absently read the details, it informed her that the police suspected arson and hoped to bring the culprits to book soon. She cocked her head to a side and laughed hysterically, till tears started streaming down her face. That was HER school, the school she had painstakingly built for the Dalit children in the village- it was her dream, and now, the dream had gone up in flames. She smiled faintly through her tears realizing the pun. As she lay doubled over on the floor, she wondered how cruel could God be. She could not think of a single person she had deliberately hurt, could not think of a single time she had erred and not apologized, could not think of a single time she had lied or cheated. How then did it come to this? Was she crazily mixed up or was there something wrong with the world? She thought of the lifetime of pain she had lived this morning, and got up, more determined than ever, to pick up the pieces of her life and build a new world.

Movie Scenes!!!

Since I am voluntarily unemployed these days, I realize I have been watching a lot of movies to keep myself occupied. The movies range from bizarre to unbelievable to good to great, but then beggars cant be choosers, as they say. So then, i thought why not make a list of some of my favourite scenes from movies I have seen. So here they go: (They’ re random and not in order of preference)

1. TRISHUL: The angry young man- Amitabh was unstoppable and at his very best in this film; particularly in the scene when he goes to his dejected and defeated father (played by Sanjeev Kumar) and says “yeh rahi aap ki saari daulat, par maine duniya mein aap se gareeb insaan nahin dekha!” and then to divulge the fact that “main us Shanti ke beta hoon Mr. Gupta aur aap mere najaayaz baap!!” wah wah!! entertainment at its very best!!

2. AANDHI: In this film, supposedly based on the life of Indira Gandhi, there is an extremely touching scene in the middle of the song “Tere Bina Zindagi se koi……..”; The estranged couple Sanjeev Kumar and Suchitra Sen go sight seeing and he describes the ruins of a once beautiful place and says something like “waise to yeh raat ko chaand mein bahot khoobsurat lagti hai, lekin beech mein amavas aa jaati hai; Is baar kuchh zyaada hi lambi chali hai amavas and Suchitra sen says “nau saal lambi thi na amavas!” (Thats the period of time since they were living apart. ) Very touching, and no melo-drama.

3. LAKSHYA: One of the most well made movies I have seen and the scene I am about to describe is my favourite. Father-son rifts are quite common in Bollywood movies, but seldom have I seen a movie where they finally break the barrier without overdoing it. Hrithik Roshan calls his father (Boman Irani) and says he has called to say that he knew he had not been a good son and in case something happened to him, he wanted to tell his dad that he loved him. His father says that he is proud of him because people in his circle only talked of the war, but his son was actually fighting on the borders for his nation! The scene does not last more than a minute, but its impact is ZABARDAST!!!!

4. DIL SE: Shah Rukh and Manisha are on their way to Laddakh when their bus breaks down and all passengers are forced to spend the night at a secluded spot. Shah Rukh is already madly in love with Manisha and wants to know her better so asks her her three favourite things. He was assuming that her answers will be predictable (like most women’s) and his expressions when she lists the three are priceless. She thinks and says 1. Maa ke haath 2. Gaon ke chabootare ke kabootar aur teesri: Kavita! One of the most romantic scenes i have ever seen and so subtle!!

5. ANDAZ APNA APNA: Its difficult to pick out one scene because the whole movie is fantastically hilarious, but if i still HAD to pick one, it would be when Aamir and Salman go to rescue Paresh Rawal on a luna!! After giving the ransom money, they re trying to accomodate themselves on the luna and obviously theres no place for the third one. Thats when Aamir Khan says “uncle aap luna ki dandi pe baith jaiye”!!! Its HILARIOUS!!!! I mean, seriously, I always fall off my chair laughing at this scene!!

6. SWADES: One of my all time favourite films, Shah Rukh Khan as the “phoren-return”, Bisleri-Drinking, smirking at India’s condition was delectable in this movie! A movie that proved, finally, his prowess as an actor. There is a scene where he is in the train after visiting the poor weaver and sees a poor boy running on the station to sell a glass of water. For the first time after he came to India, he asks for a glass of water from the child. The scene signifies so much-his understanding of the Indian reality, wanting to be a part of it and at the same time realizing what his own nation is all about!! A beautiful scene and hats off to Ashutosh Gowariker for this immensely sensitively made film!

These are the 6 scenes that I could think about, but there are many more……..if theres one worth being mentioned, I’ll definitely update this space!!!

Pimples V/S Eyes!!

I recently read an article in the newspaper which really shocked me. A young, adolescent girl went to a leading chain of cosmetic surgery centre to treat her bout of acne.  After consuming  the prescribed medication for the stipulated period of time, she suddenly developed migraine-type of headaches and temporary blindness. In a state of near-terror, her parents immediately took her to a neuro-surgeon, fearing the worst possibility. The neuro-surgeon on examining the girl asked for a detailed history of medicines consumed in the near past. The girl showed him the prescription of the medication recommended for her acne and was told by the doctor that that was the cause of her headaches and blindness. Her parents, though relieved that there was nothing seriously wrong with their daughter, were naturally outraged at the cosmetic centre for their gross negligence. A few doctors who were contacted by the newspaper which carried this report mentioned that the antibiotic prescribed by the cosmetic clinic was extremely potent and only used in complicated and serious illnesses like pneumonia and TB meningitis!! Apparently, for a simple bout of acne, this medication was absolutely unnecessary.

So what?? one may ask. The girl wanted the treatment and was given one. The point I an trying to make is that there is no concept of “informed consent” in relation to the patient. Exposing the adolescent to such potent antibiotics might not only have severe side-effects, but might also make her immune to it, thus limiting medication available to treat complicated illnesses, if they were to happen to her in the future. I believe it is the right of every patient to know the risk he/she is undertaking while consuming any medication and then decide if they wish to take the chance or not. It is grossly unethical to term and advertise treatments as “100% safe and effective”, when they in turn might have life long repercussions.

Another thing that becomes apparent from this incident is that the fixation with good looks and appearance had engulfed youngsters today. I might add that I am also one of them. A small acne or a scar really bothers me, whereas my parents look upon it as natural part of young age. It is also because people come across as willing to do anything to look good, that they are taken advantage of. A word of caution to all those who read this post- Please confirm with your doctor the side effects and also the desired effect of any medicine prescribed. If you are visiting a specialist, cross-check with your family physician if the medicines prescribed are harmful in any way. And yes, sue the impostors and negligent doctors who believe its their right to treat their patients like guinea pigs and experiment on them with different and harmful medicines!!

WHY??

I am angry today. Very angry. And frustrated, sad, disheartened and cynical. I am also finding it extremely difficult to justify and explain this plethora of emotions. There are two instances, seemingly unrelated that have led me to feel this way……………on second thoughts, NO!!! Its what I have seen over the last few years that is making me feel this way or what the hell, I am feeling this way just because of the way I am or whatever!! The point is, i am feeling miserable. There are too many questions I wish to ask, but there is no one to answer them. I dont even know if ANYONE can answer them……never mind if I am blabbering and talking nonsense- I think this is the ideal space to do it.

I met a very dear friend after a long time today. We have been through a terrible boss, pathetic work and insane working hours together. She really means a lot to me, and if I had to do anything for her happiness I would gladly do so. While we were catching up with each others’ lives, I got to know that yet another person who had committed to her went back on his word, in order to “appease” his family. I was terribly upset, and also shocked at the number of women who had such tales to tell. In the last two years, I have seen a number of my friends (mostly female) go through a similar situation in their lives. I dont know what it is with men; I know I am sounding like a sexist- whats better, I WANT TO SOUND LIKE A SEXIST!!!! Why in the name of heaven can they NOT figure out what they wish to do with their lives! And why does it have to hurt a woman when they finally figure what it is that they wish to do? It is gross injustice to commit to a person and then cheat on him/her (mostly it is her) in any which way. Why cant men figure out what matters more to them- their girlfriends or their families? It doesnt necessarily have to be a choice, but in cases where it leads to a crossroad like this, why do they take so long to decide? Most children with average intelligence would generally know how their parents would react under different situations (How else would they manage to lie to their parents and watch blue films?), and hopefully make their decisions accordingly. If men know that their families are going to object to a girl of their own choice, and that they are eventually going to do what their families want, why do they not make these conditions clear from the beginning? A confidante with whom I discussed this issue suggested that maybe it is the short-sightedness of the girl who trusts the person! Please gimme a break!!!! I mean, how can you not trust someone who has repeatedly professed his love for you and seems more than a hundred percent sure that he will walk the aisle with no one other than you! And seriously, if i were to live in a world like this, I would rather not live! It is not just my female friends, but also my male friends, who are making me feel so hopeless. I have had a number of male friends since my childhood days. These are friends whom I have respected, adored and placed my faith in, as being good human beings. Over the last few years, I have seen some of them doing the same thing to their respective girlfriends! They know that their families will object and they are unsure about what they would do in those circumstances, but their girlfriends have no idea about this. They have been made to feel that everything is hunky-dory and maybe, the wedding bells are just around the corner! I seriously am not able to integrate my image of them as excellent friends and completely irresponsible boyfriends.

The other instance which is adding to my discomfort is an accident that happened during my sister’s field visit to her community. A poor mason’s nephew met with a bad accident and had to be admitted to the General Hospital of the city. The mason is a daily wage labourer and earns a sum of Rupees 100 per day. On days when he is not picked up by a contractor, he gets no wages. His wife is mentally ill and he has no money for her treatment either. After the accident, the X-ray cost about a 100 rupees and another 200 rupees went for medicines. (These were borne by my sister and her field work partner). He was also informed that in order to stitch and suture the wounds, he would have to procure three reels of a special thread, one reel of which would cost him a hundred rupees. All said and done, in a matter of a few hours, he was expected to spend his wages of seven days, excluding other expenses on food. From what my sister told me, people in the community were trying to help him out, for which he was extremely grateful, but also pinched, as he was having to borrow money which under normal circumstances he would not have and also because it hurt his self respect and fanned his feelings of being poor and helpless. I am sure that the community will come forth and help and I have also decided to help in every way I can, but my entire being is screaming and asking “IS THIS FAIR”?? Whats worse is the realization that there are millions out there who suffer the same or a worse fate. Numbers cannot undermine tragedies. Just because it happens to a lot of people does NOT mean it is not a tragedy. I sometimes cannot believe I live in a world like this! There are poor people who are self respecting and would rather die than take money from someone, while there are our industrialists who do not care two pence for the money of their shareholders! Why is it that the poor are always punished for their crimes and the rich are absolved? Why is it that we live in such an unjust society? Why is it that people are not affected when they see someone else’s plight? Why is it that we cannot provide basic medical treatment to the poor after almost 60 years of independence? Why have we become so selfish that we cannot look beyond our own profit and gains? Unfortunately, there are too many “whys” and no answers. I can look for answers in the various theories that I have studied, raging from Marxism to Feminism, but the point is I do not even wish to know why; I just want to wish it away!!

Of murder, sex and lies- The Shivani Bhatnagar Case

The verdict on the Shivani Bhatnagar murder is out! After 9 years, the initial period of which, bore the evidence of callous investigative work, justice has been meted out. One feeling that has been nagging me since the verdict is the feeling of ambivalence. In the Jessica Lal murder case, I was overjoyed when the guilty were convicted and sentenced; in this case, although I am satisfied that justice has been served, I am also experiencing a number of other emotions.

For starters, it has been reported that Shivani Bhatnagar, a correspondent of the Indian Express was in an illicit relationship with the prime accused, R.K. Sharma, who allegedly planned the murder. Shivani was apparently married at that time and so was Sharma. Sharma, who was an IPS ofifcer, was serving in the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) when he met Shivani and revealed classified information to her, which I am sure she used in the best interests of her career. It is unclear from various sources available whether Sharma passed on the information because of his relationship with Shivani or he initiated his relationship with her after having passed on the information. Shivani, on the other hand, wished for something more from her relationship with Sharma and chose the path of blackmailing him for getting her way. Sharma, of course had committed professional hara-kiri by revealing to Shivani what should have found place only in the classified documents of the State of India and was at his wits’ end on being blackmailed.

The easiest way out for him was to eliminate the root cause of the problem, in this case, being Shivani. The motive for murder, was therefore clearly established, as Sharma had on stake everything for which an individual labours hard and cherishes- his career, his family and the so-called reputation in society. This led to Sharma plotting and executing the murder of Shivani Bhatnagar with the help of some aides. When Bhatnagar was found murdered in her East Delhi apartment, her two month old baby was found lying next to her, crying. Sharma has not been sent to the gallows in lieu of his excellent service record, which I personally believe to be rendered completely useless in the face of what he has done. I also believe that crime is a matter of motive and opportunity- therefore, not having a previous criminal record does little to indicate the actual possibility of a criminal mind.

All said and done, I appreciate the verdict- though the entire episode has created some disillusionment. Firstly, there is no doubt about the fact that Shivani was involved with Sharma; for all my beliefs in feminism, i assume it a mutually benefitting relationship for both of them. It is unclear if Shivani forced or influenced him to give out the classified information or he did it voluntarily, but both situations point toward unethical and yellow journalism, as i firmly believe that it is not just the end, but also the means to the end which matter. Secondly, a repsected IPS officer, with a supposedly “excellent” service record divulged confidential information to a journalist, probably because he had an intimate relationship with her. The journalist took to blackmailing, when she wanted something more out of the relationship, which in itself is a crime according to the Indian Penal Code. All this led to her gruesome murder on January 23rd, 1999. I do not mean to make light of what has happened to Shivani and what her family has gone through as a result of it, but in a lot of ways, Shivani was very much a part of what was happening. The case has a lot of shades of grey, and therefore, I personally find it a tad difficult to entirely empathize with Shivani. There were also rumours of a few senior BJP politicians being involved, though Pramod Mahajan, the late Communications Minister was acquitted by a Special Court for his alleged involvement in this murder. The case in question would make for an ideal soap or film on lies, sex and murder and this is a very saddening occassion because as an Indian i realise that three of the most respected and important professions in a nation are showing signs of high ranking corruption, nepotism and crime namely- The Polity, the Media and the Police.

I realize that it is much easier to empathise with a victim who was completely innocent as compared to someone who was part of the imbroglio. However, i endorse that there can be no reason or excuse for murder, except in situations of self defense and to that extent, i uphold and respect the judgement which convicted those of murdering Shivani Bhatnagar.

Which Man’s Land??

In the past few days, the issue of Tibet has gained momentum in the press and the media. Tibet has finally roused from its partly self and partly China imposed hibernation. The timing, purely strategically speaking, could not have been better, with the Beijing Olympics coming up. The Dalai Lama has also succeeded in absolving himself of all blame by saying that the revolt and rebellion have nothing to do with the Olympics and that the Tibetans do not wish to impede the game! Tibet has finally found place on the world map and media and how!

I, for one empathise with and believe in the cause of the Tibetans. The brutal and imperial Chinese regime has unjustifiably laid claims to the land that was once an independent nation. However, when i think about my own stance on this issue, i feel that I am divided from within. From a purely political perspective, I feel it is better if we as a nation do not intervene in the domestic affairs of another nation and therefore leave the Tibetans to fight their own battle. Any undue interference on the part of India might affect Indo-China ties and considering our history, I feel we do not need a real or a cold war with China right now. However, from a humanistic perspective, I feel it is sacrilege to evict someone from their own homes!! There is nothing in this world that would justify something like that, least of all material or political gains! People have the right to their own land, their own religion and their own beliefs, not to mention a host of other factors which lend identity to an individual or people or a nation. The people in question here are Tibetans, who follow the Buddhist and Gandhian principles of non-violence, peace and dialogue. It is a shame for the rest of the world, who just stand and stare with fear, or worse, indifference when an armed battle is waged against poor and peace-loving people. For a number of the so called “developed” nations, the phrase “rest of the world” doesnt exist and means nothing, unless it refers to oil-rich countries!

Inspite of having these two diametrically opposing views in my mind, i still believe that it is high time the Tibetans get what is long overdue to them- their own land. However, considering more than half of the world in engaged in a territorial battle, whose land is it anyway? If educated and sensitive people also have second thoughts about expressing their opinions on what is right and fighting for it, is there any hope?

The Homecoming!!!

The shorter the distance home, the longer it feels. That is exactly how I was feeling once my train crossed Surat. As the train neared Vadodara Station, I felt like it was in no hurry to reach its final destination, somewhere in Rajasthan. After what seemed like eternity, it finally reached Vadodara Station and my senses were filled with familiarity- familiar sounds, familiar aromas; even the platform seemed like a living entity, waiting to welcome me with a smile. I was finally home!!! The last one week has passed in a blur; however, i catch myself smiling at all those little things which signified “home” to me and consider myself so fortunate to be back here.

My mornings begin with my mother yelling her lungs out at me and my sister to abandon the comforts of our bed and join them for the morning tea. Next follows a discussion on the breakfast, as fortunately or unfortunately, our tastes in food are like chalk and cheese.Therefore, coming to a conclusion that will satisfy all is an exercise in itself. It is a treat to watch my mother eye the newspaper greedily so that she can get her daily dose of Su-Doku! My father will as usual have misplaced his room keys and glasses and will order us at the last minute to look for them lest he get late for his lectures. My sister would have switched on the computer in the mean time and would be playing music when its my mothers time to grumble about how we are addicted to the technological wave that had engulfed most youngsters today! My sister often launches on a tirade as to how busy she is in her college and how hard she has to work, which for a change i suspect is quite true. Afternoons are rather lonely as they all head for their respective jobs, but i have the comfort of the TV, computer and ofcourse my books. Come evening, they all come back and we have a tea session where each one usually discusses the events of the day. My sister often barges in at the last moment and gives special orders for dinner to be cooked. Then there is a laughter session, with each one trying to poke fun at the other and finally some TV time!! Although these things are very simple, i have come to realise what they mean to me over the years. Like most families we argue and quarrel, especially when we go out to meet our friends, as my parents feel slightly neglected, but life is no fun without these small squabbles!

Honestly, the last one week has been so special, and i realize it’s worth it to be home after 5 long years!! Long Live the Family!!!!